Living with Traumatic Brain Injury

I am a left handed and the Mother of 5 of which the older 4 are left handers as well and these are the events/timeline surrounding their births:Boy-1983,Girl-1984,Girl-1985,Massive Brain Aneurysm-1986,Boy-1988,Boy-1990.I recovered without surgery and have no scar in my brain which is what I and many in the medical community have termed “An Act Of God”.

We have gained a tremendous amount of faith in God.My Husband and I raised them all with the hopes that they would live productive Christian lives and giving them the understanding that they are our Miracles considering said aneurysm.We have been given quite a set back in the case of our 4th.child who is now 20 years of age.

Symptoms of TBI started developing when he was approx.17 1/2 and by the time we realised what was going on,having ruled out various other conditions through medical expert diagnosis,he had turned 18 and was not willing to continue with any form of medical evaluations.It has been one of the saddest things to witness our precious Son struggle with a range of symptoms from incoherent speech,sleeping disorders and a general inability at times to think clearly.

We have seen a slow but marked improvement and have gained hope in this and that he knows something isn’t right so that he stays home with us now and doesn’t run around with his buddies as his younger years dictated. I’ve been explaining to him what we can only deduce through research and observation happened to him.We only know of 1 instance that he may have suffered brain trauma physically from when he was 16 and had only 6 months ago heard rumors of a possible drug overdose which we have been unable to verify because the young man who said he thought he saw him take a handful of pills was himself drunk at the time and cannot be sure it was our Son that he saw.

We work with our Son daily and do our best to keep him active in daily routines and living requirements and keep a very peaceful atmosphere while trying to help him recover in whatever areas he is able but he continues to refuse all medical resources other than the few well checks we’ve been forced to have done and which we had been able to help him sit through when we were forced to call the police or an ambulance to help him as he wanted to wander in the middle of the night before he understood not to,there are large moose and bears here where we live and the roads aren’t always lit,also weather conditions can be treacherous.

This has been one of the hardest things to accept in my entire life,living with the fact that we don’t know what happened to him and knowing that we may never find out as previous pressure on him made him run out the door and if we didn’t live in such a small town here in Alaska where we have many friends who know us and what has likely happened to him so that they have had the insight to either bring him home or had kept him overnight to keep him safe and out of harms way,we might have never heard from him again.It is so hard to wait and see if he recovers or if he will have this child like mentality for the rest of his life when we know the beautiful person that he was before whatever it is that happened to him,though he is still so beautiful,caring and giving.

All I can do is surrender it to God and give prayer keeping hope in Christ,right where He wants us. I know first hand of Gods healing in my life yet waiting upon the Lord for our Son’s healing has been so hard to do.I know the answers aren’t always as we think they should be and that our Son might be this way the rest of his life.I will never cease in praising His name no matter what the outcome,I just hoped for so much more for our sweet Son.

Watching him struggle and seeing the look on his face as he realises it when his sentences aren’t making sense is heartbreaking but I cannot let him see me falter,I’ve got to stay strong for him and do all I can to only let him see me shine confidence from my eyes at him when he looks at me.It helps him to try again or to know that it’s alright,try again a little later if he needs to take a break. At times it’s so hard to bare and I have to hide when the tears won’t hold back and I weep alone,in silence to God.I hope our Son recovers.