Coping With Stroke

Hi, my name is Sandra and I had a stroke at 50 years of age. Yes, I am a babyboomer who refused the idea about getting older.The saying 50 is the new 30 seemed so true. I hadn’t wrinkled much since my 30’s and I could still wear jeans with t shirt tops. yes indeed I was the new 30 but oh I was still 50. I was born June 4, 1957 in Riverside CA. I was the only girl born to my parents. I was their last child. I grew up always waiting to be able to reach the door knob or waiting for what seemed forever to lose my first tooth. Childhood was magical for me. Not that it was so magical in reality but I made it so by merely thinking happy thoughts and skipping the day away in the CA sunshine.

The years passed and I found myself a worrisome teenager. Was I pretty? was I smart? Was I popular enough? What can I really do? Am I worthy? Turning 14 was the end of my carefree happy life. I enteted a new life pattern of being a worry wart and of the worst kind. I worried about everything. I truly do not know how I made it through my teen years let alone graduated from HS but I did. College was a very average experience for me. I made average grade and really never did declare a major. If you add up all my credits I could have a degree in something.

I met a nice young man in college and he became my constant friend. We dated for 4 years and then broke it off when I decided that I didn’t want to marry him. Not that he asked me to but I felt the next step should be marriage and i could not see myself married to him. He agreed and moved back to his home town of Modesto CA.

I decided that I needed to work in the real world so I took a nice job with a female pediatrician. She called me her Nurse yet I really wasn’t a nurse but loved the title. So I was a pseudo nurse for 6 years. I really can say I loved my job. Here I was a nurse without having to go to nursing school. I wore a really cute nurses outfit and sported white nursing clogs. I even had a snoopy watch which amused the kids when I had to swab their tonsils. I loved my job.

To top it all off I met and married a tall handsome drug rep that frequented our office. We had a whirlwind romance so to speak. Met in the fall and married in the spring. We were strangers really but our love and lust or whatever we had has held us together. I did marry a like minded person that you stick together no matter WHAT, even drug abuse and unfaithfulness. Not that we are drug uses or have cheated but we would have stayed together even so. I don’t know if we are still in love but we do love each other in a loyalty way. We will take drives together and still go out for ice cream. we are glued to the hip but love! I don’t know. what is love anyway?

We have two daughters who have made us proud but have also caused us much grief and worry. I can report that now they have calmed down a bit but still I worry about them. Remember now, I started to worry at 14 and haven’t stopped, not even a day. I even have worry dreams.

2007 is my 50th year and I turned the big 50 this summer. I even wanted a party and that was so RARE for me since I pitched a major scene at my 16th surprise birthday when I gave the finger to anyone who took my picture. I hate surprises. My 50th party was nice but I did sulk because I wasn’t sitting at the table with the fun people.

As you know my birthday was in June. On August 10, midnight, I suffered an extensive stroke that hit my left parietal lobe and left me paralyzed and without words. I could not talk. My husband who I am not sure loves me rushed me to the hosp ER which is only 5 minutes away. I was in the ER for 6 hours and then transferred to ICU. I was in the hosp for 2 weeks and rehab for 1 week.

What happened to me was that my carotid artery dissected and threw a clot that hit my brain. never did I think that at 50 I would have something like this happen. My Dad is nearly 90 and is going strong. Mom is nearing 80 and is fit as a fiddle. I thought I would surely live past 100 with modern medicine and all. Here i was dying at 50. Saying goodbye to the man I have been married to for 25 years yet not sure of his love. Leaving my daughters who haven’t yet left their mark on this world. I was SO sad to leave this planet at 50. What happened to 50 is the new 30? I say 50 is 50 and you better know it.

Please anyone who reads this and is 50 or nearly 50, get to the DR and see what is going on. I hadn’t been to a dr for a check up for about 2 years. I exercised and maintained a decent weight and thought I would live to be 105. I almost died at 50.

What saved my life is that I had other arteries that took over for me. I also have what drs say is a complete circle of willis which only 30 percent of the population has or so my dr said. Please don’t quote me.

I have complete function to my right side though I am completely numb from my face to my feet on the stroke side. I still stammer when I talk but I am talking and talking. In fact I can’t stop talking. I am having talking dreams. I have headaches and fear of having another stroke but so far I have been stroke free. I hope and pray I become an old lady. I want to live and to laugh, worry and cry. One thing for sure is that when I turn 60 i will NOT think it is the new 40. 60 is 60 there is no doubt about it.

Take care of yourself. See the Dr. Listen to your body. Eat bluberries and bananas and take your vitamins. Go for a 30-minute walk. Love yourself no matter what. If you don’t who will? Don’t look for love in somebody else. Don’t look into someone else’s eyes to see if you see love. Look into your own eyes and say to yourself, Self, I love you. Now say it for me. It will have made my stoke worth it but I have help just one person love themselves just a little bit more. And No 50 is not the new 30. Sandra proud survivor of a stroke. If this doesn’t make sense I am still having trouble with finding the right words and using the right words. typing is such a challenge.