Living with Seizures

I was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of 14. As of now I am 26 and had my first seizure 3 months ago.Unlike many I was unaware of what was happening to me.I was first put on Keppra— but the side effects were worse than the seizure so then I was switched to Lamictal xr and dilantin at bedtime. I’m still not sure if this is the correct mix for me. Ever since I was put on anticonvulsants, I’m constantly thinkin’ about death…not to be confused with suicide but death in general, the fear of dying, how I’m gonna die,… I’m constantly worryin’ about my seizure activity— whether or not someone is around me… to be there if I fall or if my kids are near me —they’re young and I don’t want them to see me having a weak moment.I’m scared of being alone or better yet I dread for my husband to go to work and estatic when he gets home.I hate feeling this weak. I’m sick of crying all the time and feelin’ over emotional all the time.I’m tired of my doctors looking at me as if I have lost my mind and that my side effects are not true.This diagnoses has changed my life and has caused me to retire from my job.My husband is in the military — he just got back from a 15 month deployment and that has become my biggest fear.He will deploy and I’ll be alone with all these abnormal thoughts.I guess what I’m saying is this sh-t sucks……..