Living with Seizures

I am 43 and for the past 15 years I have been having grand mal seizures I’m not really sure why I started having them. I have not had any head trauma to my knowledge. When I have them it is usually during a period of stress in my life. There have been periods of time in between these seizures I’ve gone five years without any problems at times, and recently this past year, I’ve had three. One a year ago last July, while I was pregnant. (No harm to the baby)one in Nov. and recently last Sat.

I have a job that I do not have health benefits, and I can’t seem to get medi-cal. (I try to but I just get the run around.)These seizures are destroying my credit. I end up in the emergency room, this last time restrained. It was quite terrifying. My seizures seem to always strike when I am sleeping. The after effects are horrible. I feel like a stranger in my own body, I feel shakey, confused, on the verge of a panic attack. I feel like an emotional wreck. I have memory issues. I feel like I am brain damaged. It’s taking every ounce of my being to get through this time.

I know it will get better, but it’s hard to deal with regardless. I just want to curl up in a ball till this goes away. It’s a little embarrassing too because I know that people know that something is wrong with me. Is there any help out there for me? I feel desperate with no idea how to get some help. I try talking to people about it, but it’s hard to express myself, and I feel like I’m not making any sense.