Living with Seizures

Almost 18 years ago I was at work when I awoke to be told that I had passed out and proceeded to have a grand mal seizure I had ceased breathing and had to have CPR administered until the ambulance arrived. I was put on Dilantin for 6 months and then weaned off to see what would happen. Unfortunately within one month another grand mal occurred and I was told that medication would be a forever proposition. I had three small, pre-school children and a very supportive husband. We adapted and got on with our lives despite the odd unexpected and violent seizures But as in all things life has brought on changes.

I am now in my forties and in the last 4-5 years I have begun to experience different symptoms and seizures. Now I have especially strong auras and what my neurologist refers to as small seizures. I was taken off of Dilantin too. Even though for a number of years I was seizure free and within therapeutic levels. I was informed that unfortunately Dilantin is not a viable long term choice for women. So numerous drugs have been used and then discarded in hopes of better results with other seizure medications. I’ve become more frustrated with the lack of control over my own disorder and thus my own body/life. If affects my mood (depression), my weight (tired/nausea), and sleep patterns. It has interfered with my ability to be a good employee at my place of employment after 18 years. I suffer loss of income and risk of maintaining benefit qualifications. Not to mention the damage to my reputation as a reliable, qualified employee.

My family steadfastly stands by me and in times of trouble take good care of me. They never seem to lose patience or hope. And so I try to keep a positive attitude and remember that many who suffer have it far worse. But on other days it is hard to find reasons to hold steady when it seems like there is no end to the frustration and pain. So I always strive to remember that this is just another one of life’s many challenges.