Living with Essential Tremor

My first memories of ET are when I was in the 2nd grade and I had to play the piano in front of the whole school and I could barely hit the notes because my hands were shaking so hard. Then came the times I couldn’t wait to read my “spelling” stories to the class and while I was standing in front of the class my paper would shake and everyone would ask me why I was so nervous. Or I tried to sing a solo but my voice was shaking so much I didn’t recognize my own voice.

After a while I decided that I must be really nervous and I became very shy and learned to “blend” into the crowd so that no one noticed me. Writing on the chalkboard was TORTURE. I was nominated for Homecoming Court and no one could understand why I wouldn’t accept. I feel like I missed out on so much. My problem is that most of the time I barely have a tremor.

HOWEVER, if I get any adrenaline at all, good or bad I shake uncontrollably. Even my head is starting to shake now. I am very sensitive to adrenaline and if I get nervous my whole body will shake. I have learned to avoid everything. There are so many times that I have wanted to do things that I won’t. Times when I wanted to eat ice cream or order coffee but I didn’t want to have to pay for it with my shaking hands much less try to eat it in front of someone.

I just don’t trust my own body. I am always worried about how I will be in a panic situation. I can’t be “still”. For this reason I don’t have any children. I am a happy shaker but it has definitely shaped my life.