Living with Dementia

After 5-10 years of mental decline and depression my husband was diagnosed with dementia while hospitalized for emergency surgery. He became quite confused and combative, and removing his own IV 3 days after surgery; this was after narcotic analgesia was discontinued and with no prior problem of this nature during his hospitalization. His Lisinopril and Zoloft were his only medications for 24 hours prior to this incident.

He has a history of hypertension and depression that at times have gone untreated, because he didn’t think he needed medication and refused to seek medical advise. For years, the only physicans he contacted occasionally were at immediate care centers for infections.

He has adjusted his Zoloft, without professional advise, and now has discontinued it, as he doesn’t feel he needs it and has had his Aricept professionally discontinued due to adverse reactions. I hope he is taking his Lisinopril for hypertension
He has become quite proficient at covering up his problem.

For several years, I believed, as he told me, that it was me that has a problem. Me, who had held the same medical professional position for almost thirty years with the same employer and kept up with rapidly advancing technology and balanced home maintenance and as many social functions as possible; not him with a problem, despite that his having been discharged from three engineering positions during his last five work years. He is still seeking employment, despite not working for 5 years and having no continuing education or even seminars in his previous field. He seems to be in a fantasy world where everything is custom made to his satisfaction.

My husband lost interest in his wife several years ago, and turned to internet pornography for personal satisfaction. No concern for my welfare, despite two total knee replacements during the last two years, has been shown. He is in his own little world, letting select others in only when the moment suits him. His world revolves around TV, meals have to be served as not to interupt his TV schedule, while my days off are consumed in keeping the household running. There is rarely any social life, outside the immediate family.

When issues are attempted to be discussed, he always takes the opposite stance and has removed me from his “Power of Attorney”. He seems to trust no one and is convinced that everyone is interested in his money, though his personal assets are not large.

The man I thought I knew has become a self centered, immature stranger, who changes his mind within minutes of making a decision and without regard to consequences to himself or others. He is quite adept at consealing his problem; even his primary care physician was unaware until his hospitalization.

I was quite taken back when a nurse took me in private to let me know that she
felt that I was covering up my spouse’s problem, and that I should have notified
them of his problem. My spouse advised me many times that he was discussing issues that I had noticed and felt were serious enough to discuss with his primary care physician and that everythig was OK; no problem identified. I had tried to speak with his physician, but my phone call went unreturned. He always made his appointments for days that I was scheduled to work. After his hospitalization, I did attend two of his appointments with this physician, after his surgery, and was recognized only when I had a question concerning immediate issues of surgery and medication; there was not any discussion of my husband’s previous visits or issues discussed. My spouse seemed especially stessed during these appointments and seemed not to want to be there. This same physicain, prescribed Aricept never bothered to refer us to a neurologist or advise us to seek any type of mental status testing, despite the hospital records.

I had insisted on discussing of the hospital incident, when my life partner
became quite agitated concerning the issue, he didn’t seem to think it was important, just forget it, sweep it under the rug attitude. His philosophy seems to be to ignore all issues and everything will fix itself.

On a recent vacation abroad, my once outgoing, confident husband, who had toured the world with his former employment, became lost in the resort dining room on several occasions, could not locate the resort information desk, was lost on an escorted tour, was told by resort employees to have a seat (he had become quite a pest) and had to find a bathroom just as our airplane started to load passenger and returned with a cold drink in hand within minutes of the last passengers boarding.

He has become quite tense in unfamiliar places and completely loses track of time.
His driving has become quite questionable; twice in a one morning and despite my informing him about freeway exits in 1-2 miles, he became confused and stopped in the area between the through lanes and exit ramp because he was not sure what to do; he blamed sun glare; his glasses are coated to prevent sun glare.

Very recently his primary care physician has recommended a neurological/ mental status evaluation, after I informed the practice of all of the above and requested testing to confirm or rule out possible causes, such as TIA, vascular problems, Alzheimers, etc. Whether my life partner will submit to such an evaluation is unclear, since he has expressed that he doesn’t have a problem.

Life has not been kind to the man I married all those years ago and it is indeed difficult for me to recognize, comprehend, express and adjust to his mental status change. I feel my mate is lost, but I thoroughly realize that he never will truly be coming home.