Living with Brain Cancer

please excuse me if I ramble a little but here it goes. My name is jen and I am 38 have three kids a self employed husband and a petuitary adinoma [pituitary adenoma] with at times hemerage [hemorrhage].

We used to joke about it being my little chia pet because we would watch it grow. You know what they say if you don’t laugh you cry. Well this same tumor would also shrink . The last time it grew and hemeraged it was up to nine mm. That does not sound like much but the area it can grow to is only ten mm so I guess that is a big deal.

I lost my job some time ago and so I started a small ad firm. I make enough to pay my bills but not enough to get insurance even if they would covor me. as if they would…lol.

I have been feeling bad for a little while now. Things like ear ringing. catching every little thing causing gum absess. I have a mystrery patch on my back that always feels like a burn that gets worse when I get sick. I started to suspect it has started to grow again when during the day for no reason I would see flashes of light like a camera flash. a few nights latter I got up to use the bathroom and laid back down in bed when i lost part of my vision in the shap of a letter v. Strange i know.

I could see all inside the v but nothing on the two sides for about an hour. this happend in degrees a few more times and then last week I was working late and my left pinky started to go numb on the outside eventually getting three fingers and up the outside of my art to the sholder. if that was not bad enough I could not get my fingers to type the letters I needed and my thoughs were so scramled. I am still having a little trouble with looking a a word and knowing if it is spelled the way it should be. words i have always known. i just don’t know. i wonder if i will die.

i wonder if i left the u.s. and went to canada or europ if i could get help. its not fair that people come to the us and get all kinds of help but i am given the roll of the dice. blast the hmo’s my doc should have taken care of this before i had to have my historectomy [hysterectomy], started growing face/neck hair and gum issues… whats a mom to do….