Living with Back Pain

I had back surgery about 5 years ago. Had spinal fusion done to L4-5. I was pretty good for about a year and then I started having problems again with back pain. Neurologist sent me for an MRI & then to rehab because he didn’t see anything wrong. That was four years ago & 3 MRI’s & 3 scripts for therapy later.

I am on pain medication 3 times a day & even that isn’t working as well. I just saw my personal Dr. & he added another script to my pain meds & referred me to another Neurosurgeon. Meantime, I am trying to appeal my Social security disabillity which has been taking over a year & almost into 2 years & I am just fed up with everything & everyone!

The sports Dr. I was seeing said if I could drive myself to his office for my appointments, Social Security would not allow me to collect. That just adds more worries for me & feel like what’s the use. I have no incentive for anything anymore. I used to be a “Happy-Go-Lucky” person & have become this miserable 44 year old grouch (to be polite)!

My husband has turned into the same thing! He works 24/7 & instead of appreciating what he does for me, I reward him by complaining constantly & yelling at him! I am so depressed & I’m sick of therapy! I don’t want to go anymore! It does absolutely nothing & feel it is a waste of my time & insurance money! I have been going through crying jags lately because I am so frustrated with everything. This is not how my life was planned out for me.

My husband & I had plans to both work because we have no children & we were going to retire early & ride our Harley Motorcycles! Now My husband wants to get rid of my bike because I can’t ride anymore & I scream & cry & tell him no because deep down inside I’m afraid that if my bike goes, that means this kind of life style is permanent for me! I’m crying right now just thinking about it again! Then to add to my frustration, I just had another MRI done & is shows my stenosis & arthritis is getting worse! I have another appt. Dec. 11th to see another Neurosurgeon. Gee, I wonder what kind of therapy he is going to send me to this time?!