Living with ADHD

when i’m angry i say things i dont mean. why? i beliave when angy a part of my brain sends a message cause my heart actully feels the emotion(happiness joy sadness anger depression etc:) and somehow my mind says things out of line. im a security officer i answer to ex cops. road supervisors. one morning one guy calls all of us assholes jackasses etc:, we had a small agument(when i was 17 a cop hit me in my ear) the supervisor got in my face and we got loud, i dont know where it came from but i told him thats why you ******s get shot! i did’nt mean it growing up in foster care there were a few more examples like that.

i know a girl who means the world to me she is extremely busy. she cares or cared about me. my friends put it in my head that if she dont call you back she dont care for you i left a message one day ” sometimes i wish i dint meet you!” she sent a letter back in march showing she cares, i must have sent like 10 or 15. here’s the problem she’s dating a fireman for 2 years im out of line if they fought it’s my fault how can i say that she was my childhood friend growing up,i pray to god and ask why am i this way? why me? gift and a curse see i was born hypersensitive.